Approach

David came in with his wife to “save” their marriage.

He was a long lean man with a commanding presence. Well educated, successful, and clearly out of his element, his wife watched him closely.

I thanked them both for coming in, and like I do during all my first sessions, I shared that we would start with a verbal contract about how we were going to work together.

We would agree how we would show up and how we would talk with one another. I began, “As cliché as it sounds, I want to acknowledge that getting here to this appointment was likely not easy.”

David jumped right in,

“I can’t believe we are here. You have no idea how hard it was for me! I never fail at anything and I feel like I have failed in my marriage.”

I assured David that he was not alone in feeling overwhelmed by whatever the circumstances are that brought them to my office.

The circumstances and the response to life that lead to seeking therapy are as varied as the people and their stories.

This is where we began our work together.

David shared is story and Lorraine shared hers.

We talked about their visions for their individual lives and their visions for their life as a married couple.

We explored the story of how they got to each other and how their shared life was working or not and we talked about the longing they both felt for something else.

Whether with couples, individuals, or families, the process is similar.

I create the space for each person to share their story, what they had expected life to be like and what they want their lives to be like.

We explore what is working and what is not working.

We explore how this lines up with what they have described in their stories and what might be preventing them from having the life they long for.

The harder we scramble to keep it all together, the more tangled we get, the tighter the web becomes that keeps us stuck.

The Scripts We Watch Playing Out, While Growing Up

David and Lorraine were doing what they watched their parents, and likely their grandparents, do in their marriages.

David admitted that his father was quite driven, and Lorraine related with her father and step-father.

What they were doing was not working and the harder they worked to get it right and solve the problem the worse it got.

Breaking Free from the Pattern

Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, as the saying goes, is the definition of insanity.

Lorraine and David needed help seeing the patterns, like most people who are dissatisfied in their lives.
Having a witness to the struggle and support in managing our emotional responses, whatever that experience is, whether it be sadness, anxiety, or anger, allows us to step free from the web.

We don’t make changes from a place of fear and judgement.

We often need direction and encouragement.

Once Lorraine and David felt heard, once their efforts, strengths and courage were acknowledged, they began to see places they were getting stuck.

With my help, they developed new skills, connected with each other, and were able to make decisions about how they wanted to live their lives.

I am committed to showing up for you.

I will bear witness to your growth through our work together, whether it is in couples therapy or individual therapy!

Call me for a free consultation! (910) 470-2387

Let’s explore how I can support you in making the changes you need to make to create the life you long for!