There are moments in life you will always remember. I am sharing one of those moments in my life as I prepare to say good-bye. She came into the room and my ass was to the door and not all covered. We had never spoken a single word. I barely had a clue what her face looked like though I had seen her in dozens of pictures. I knew of her Spirit though. I greeted her with “you are getting to see my best side, sorry about that.” She laughed and replied in her particular voice that was ¼ sarcastic, ¼ firm, don’t fuck with me and 100% compassionate and loving, “I see that.”
I was breathing through pushing contractions and nowhere ready to push. The back labor was intense. She was on the floor with me almost as soon as we had finished exchanging words. And then I felt her strength. In her hands, hidden by the green pillow under my elbows and in her eyes. She was WITH me.
Her presence is one I have carried with me on this journey of motherhood post the birth of my youngest daughter more than 18 years ago, along with all the Mother Love she and my midwife and all the other Mamas who know the power of the particular Love these women bring to birthing.
I am reaching for that right now because I am thinking life is not fair in this moment as I say good-bye to this fierce and mighty birth activist and midwife’s assistant. I am practicing breathing against the urge to push and rage against what seems wrong with our world today, in this moment. I know this will pass. I am nowhere ready to push though.
